An unintentional dating hiatus and deleting dating apps

tinder-nope

 

What the heck is a dating hiatus? Should I be on one? Am I on one? How long should it last? Is it a cult? Why does it sound like a Tinder flu?

Urban Dictionary defines Hiatus as: A gap or interruption in time, or continuity; a break.

A dating hiatus therefore means no online dating, no physical dating, no booty calls, no getting together with, calls/texts/snapchats/Facebook likes/ego boosts with exes.

Sounds like a healthy and empowering break rather than a punishment or drought right? …Right?

I had heard of a dating hiatus before and despite reading all the good reasons to go on one, I thought I could never mange. I had become so used to a swipe on tinder most evenings, various flirty sessions over whatsapp and knowing I had a virtual little black book was somewhat comforting. Although Tinder has only been available since 2012 and was once described as the “shallowest dating app ever” it has revolutionised how we find a potential mate. Surly this was the to embrace single life?

Well, this year, due to several personal circumstances that I won’t go into, I have found myself on an unintentional dating hiatus and there is something great about it. It’s essentially putting your romantic activities on pause so that you can take time to not only break a pattern but to also get to know you, so that when you do re-open your romantic doors, that you are coming from a healthier place. The hiatus is to take time out for you and hopefully you’ll use it well and give you the opportunity to be and do the things that tend to take a backburner due to the latest relationship.

The first thing I noticed was when I was catching up with my girlfriends recently, “So, what’s your guy chat?” My response, “Nothing. Not a thing.” And then my friends and I could move on to another topic, usually more intellectual and even better; about ourselves-work, family, gym, book we’ve been reading and not about some guy from Tinder or the boomerang guy we always end up with while we are bored. This reminds me of the time in Sex and the City, when Miranda goes nuts about her friends only ever talking about guys and despite spending my teens wanting to be Carrie Bradshaw, I find Miranda much more relatable and inspiring. (Although Carrie will win on a superficial level for clothes).

With it being Easter, the understanding of Lent: Giving up what you think you can’t live without… a chance to prove we can withhold our most hard-to-break vices, and spring is soon approaching with the thoughts of spring cleans and new blossoms, this is without a doubt, the perfect time to embrace this hiatus. Not only delete the apps but delete numbers of exes/hook ups/flirty banter. Before now, I joked I was basically on a dating hiatus but would check Tinder every other day or delete the apps but keep the profiles so I could be back on within moments of a download with a strong wifi. Now I understand the meaning and possibilities of a hiatus, I am fully embracing this! I have now set myself a challenge that will hopefully allow me to release myself from the addiction that can be easily found among some online daters. I have read a few articles on the hiatus and it is recommended it lasts 3-6 months. It’s estimated that the average Tinder user will spend up to 90 minutes on the app each day. I am going to try and take back that lost time by channelling my energy into other pursuits.

I am positively hoping this choice is to take time out and not the equivalent of being put on the naughty step, effectively sulking, stropping, and feeling hard done by. I believe mind-set affects actions and I know I need to be less cynical and recognise patterns in bad dating experiences.

Taylor Swift apparently had a dating hiatus after the Harry Styles thing. Look what happened; she got a bob, a trendy apartment in New York, finished her incredible 1989 album and then met Calvin Harris! Just in time to have a piece of eye candy by her side as she collected her many Grammys. Taking time to clear the head and hopefully stop repeating the same behaviours, mistakes and attitudes as to before can never be a bad idea! Maybe changing these behaviours might stop me being cynical and comparing guys. Maybe I can enter the dating world all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Maybe deleting these apps will make me look up while on a train or in a bar and I will learn the art of old school dating and one day, I might be like; this is crazy but here’s my number,  so call me maybe? No more relying on the hope that he swipes left too!

 

Advertisements

Open Letter to say Thank You

swalk

From my previous posts, especially the last two, I have come across very cynical. Yes, I am completely jaded. Yes, I have dated a lot. Yes, I have been disappointed and even heartbroken in the past. Yes, I am enjoying my dating hiatus and focusing on ME but that does not for one moment mean I am ready to accept spinster hood, join the nuns or give being gay a shot. Somewhere, behind the wall of roses and thorns there is still a classical, romantic in me. I know what I want and will continue to keep my standards high.

Dating in my twenties has made me realise what I do want and despite the disappointment, there has been exquisite traits in boyfriends past that have been life changing and these little things must be what keeps me going in the search for my forever person.

So here it is, my softer side. This is my Open Letter of Thankyou’s to those romantic connections past:

Thank you to N who would drop everything at a risk to spend 10 minutes alone with me.

Thank you to M who proved a guys ability in planning perfect romantic dates to take my breath away.

Thank you to J who has taught me that intelligent conversations, heated debates, ping pong banter and constant flirting is the key to burning passion and a lasting connection.

 
Thank you to R who loved me even more when I had no make up on and taught me that the ‘me’ I don’t show the world is ok to be.

Thank you to C who put me in my place when I was crossing boundaries and pushing the big red button. And also, for always have macaroons for me.

Thank you to D for proving opposites do attract and to never judge based on where someone is from.

Thank you to S for the strong connection within such a short time, for proving that I can open up and for all those times you looked at me like I was magic. Meeting you changed me more than you probably know.

These guys have been particularly noteworthy and I don’t regret a single moment spent with them or hold any resentment for any tears I may have shed.

While I am on a roll with being nice, I would also like to thank the guys that I have crossed paths with that deserve a thank you:

Thank you to the guy who chased me up the street to tell me I was beautiful on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Thank you to the guy asked to take me out for dinner at least 7 times-in a different way each time. Thank you to the guy who paid my bus fayre while I scrambled in my bag for my bus pass. Thank you to the bartender who created a cocktail just for me at my regular watering hole. Each of these little things have absolutely made an impact in my single life.

…This article has now got me thinking about the guys in my life who aren’t romantic connections and perhaps I have not truly thanked them for the part they have played or are playing in my journey.
Thank you to my guy mates for their honesty, genuine care and telling me how it is. Sometimes I do need a bit of telling off. Thank you to the gay men in my life who inspire me to be true to myself, not care what anyone thinks, always be fabulous and for always providing wine. Thank you to my best friend’s boyfriends, fiancés and husbands- knowing you guys are genuine and how happy you make my best friends makes you an inspiration. And finally, thank you to every guy that has fucked me over and made me who I am today – and also, the reason I have something to write about!

Yours Sincerely,

JSB

This may be the nicest and most positive I have ever been without wine…

The Guys on Tinder to make you jaded

tinder-application-gratuite

Due to being even more ‘Jaded’ with dating, I have been on a bit of dating hiatus. No fuckboys, no cryptic text and no dating apps-including Tinder. Can you even imagine? In this day, if a single girl-no matter how long she is single is not on Tinder she must not want it enough. If you’re single and not on Tinder then HOW will you ever meet a guy? Well to be fair, right now, I don’t want to meet a guy.  I think my recent post “No fuckboys please” shows I have dated enough. It’s exhausting. However, when you have a dating blog and people ask when your next post is up you get into the dilemma. I looked at Disney for inspiration but I just related far too much to Ursula and Mother Gothel… And of course, with no dating and behaving myself I was a little bored and as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat.

So, Friday night. Booze free and exhausted I pull up 5 recent photos from my Facebook and create a new Tinder Profile. Here goes, time to get swiping. The slight excitement I have is gone within approximately 7 minutes. It’s the same fuckboys. Here are the profiles every single girl will come across when swiping:

The Topless Guy

Niiiiice. I will look to be the creep that I am but in dating I believe keeping the hotness as an extra treat. And also, you clearly love yourself. I Swipe- LEFT.

The Dad Bod (or chubby) Topless guy

I’m all about empowerment and you are trying to be funny… I get it and I feel shallow but…I Swipe-LEFT.

{Ripped to hell or muffin top-NO TOPLESS PROFILE PICS}

The Tough Mudder

Keeps fit and has a sense of adventure perhaps. I think we will get on. Guys love a girl who wants to plank challenge… right? I Swipe-RIGHT.

The ‘in bed’ Selfie

This is a saved snapchat from the start of a sexting sesh. I don’t like those who recycle. It is lazy…I Swipe- LEFT.

The Doped up Tiger

Clearly not an animal lover and in to animal rights like me. I’m sure you went to Thailand to find yourself *rolls eyes* I Swipe- LEFT.

The Emoji over the ex-girlfriends face

Cut out or pick another picture FFS. I Swipe- LEFT.

The large group of guys

This guy has no pictures by himself and I have no time or patience to figure out which one you are. Lesson Learned: It is never the hot one. I Swipe-LEFT.

The family/best friend Wedding

A 3 piece suit to a woman is what underwear is to a man. I Swipe- RIGHT.

The one with one or even two super hot girls/entertainment ladies

You like super hot girls. This is your favourite photo ever cause the two burlesque dressed shot girls agreed to have a picture with you… I get that but…I Swipe-LEFT.

The S&M artwork {Including the time s’50 shades of Grey’ cover has been a profile pic}

I Swipe: LEFT.

The abs only

I swipe: LEFT.

The meme

IYes, this meme is funny but you didn’t create it and I want to date an actual man not a meme… I Swipe-LEFT.

The Relaxed Smiling Selfie

There we go, you are normal. I Swipe-RIGHT.

The Model

I don’t want to be catfished. Although… then I could be on the TV show and meet that gorgeous silver fox… Nah not worth the next 10 months of my life and bank transfer I need to qualify for that show. I Swipe-LEFT.

The Action Shot

Wither it be playing football, Hill walking, dancing with the boys at the club or in deep conversation with a friend, this shot gives a little of your personality away and I like that. I Swipe-RIGHT

The Car or Motorbike Picture

Are you a transformer? I Swipe-LEFT.

The Snapchat Guy

I could write a full post of guys and damn snapchat but with regards to Tinder, if a guy has snapchat only in his bio then he just wants some dirty fun from the comfort of his own couch. I Swipe-LEFT.  Please note, this creep isn’t always noticeable. If after you match with any of the guys above and get a message “Hi babe, I don’t use Tinder. Add me one snap BigGuy666” UNMATCH.

 

 

I have swiped right a few times so still a little optimistic and I don’t hate everyone yet so that’s a good thing… let’s celebrate with a glass of wine .

My Stereotypes: Part 2.

Screenshot_20160515-211315

 

From previous posts, a most popular of mine has been my ‘Guy Stereotypes’ blog. Both guys and girls have enjoyed this and been able to match people they knew personally to ‘The Glasgow Boy’, ‘The Scientist’ and ‘The Perfectionist’. This post is probably one of my favourites-second to Cat lady. I enjoyed writing this and has probably been the time when I have based my writing on my own experiences.
This article was written over 2 years ago and unfortunately, in that time, I have remained, for the most part single. However, living in a world of Tinder means that I have never been without dates and the variety of men never fails to amaze. Luckily for my readers, I see the funny side of my dating fails and I have even more types of guys to share with you. And just like before, each of these guys are extremely different-all bad and good in their own unique and exasperating ways. Again, in no particular order:

The ‘House Music Lover’ {Basic Bitch}

The first impression I have on this one is usually ‘Hot’. He works out. A lot. Like every day.
Sometimes twice a day. At first, it’s great to add him on Snapchat. Oh, look he is off to the gym and that vest is showing off his muscular shoulders and just enough toned pecs to get my eyebrows rising. Then you notice the tribal tattoo-probably on his chest and down his ribs or even worse on his neck or the lower back. The ‘House Music Lover’ is always booked to go to Ibiza for at least 14 nights but will probably have 2 separate holidays there over the summer. The ‘House Music lover’ is usually pretty successful, such as an engineer or account manager -something to afford Ibiza and all the club nights and all the fashion required for such nights. Okay so, he loves Ibiza, house music and going to the gym? I like those things too. That isn’t too bad, what else?… Well, there is NOTHING ELSE. Their life is only Ibiza and the body preparation for this trip. The snapchats are repetitive of shoulder revealing vests to the gym, protein shakes, recent Nike purchase and perhaps a video of a “tune” taken off the radio whilst driving. One his worst days, he will kiss his bicep for a gym locker room selfie. Every so often, he will shake things up a bit and have “a cheeky Nandos”. Once he realises you aren’t in to him, he will make a pass at your friends which isn’t good for anyone’s confidence.

The Friend

I won’t go into too much detail about this one. You meet a guy, perhaps through a friend or at work and you hit it off immediately. With “the friend” it always one of two situations: You don’t think you are attracted to him but over time, you have gotten to know him and his personally shines through and it’s the age old cliché… OR you fancy him immediately and then play it cool so much that you friend zone yourself. Most recently, I was the latter. The friend leads you into a false sense of security and after months, even years the chat becomes more frequent and flirty and then he stays over. Of course, in many ways this could be the ideal start to a wonderful relationship. If you do cross the boundaries with a friend, I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk about. If you don’t talk about, you will just assume you know what each other is thinking. Nothing good can come from assuming… And then you are likley to loose him as a friend too.

The Non Drinker

Please note this guy was not drinking for religious beliefs. This guy has chosen not to drink for health reasons and because he “doesn’t want to lose control”. “Perhaps I am a little alcoholic…” I think. “I should cut down to lose these few extra pound” I tell myself as I prepare for a coffee date. It’s a cold January and I am devastated to be leaving the house for anything other than Red Wine. Oh look how handsome he is and there is something intriguing about him so I can give this a shot. He is perfectly aware that I drink (perhaps not aware quite how much…) and he is making an effort so I should too. It starts off fairly normal with the non-drinker but I never feel relaxed and most of my best ice-breaker stories start with “This one time we ordered 20 jagerbombs and then…” but I don’t feel like I can tell these stories. This guy is tense too. He really seems to need a drink. Then out of the blue, a few days after the first date, the non-drinker messages to revel how much he enjoys “being in control” and details extreme S&M situations he would like me to get into with him. I am no prude but I am very uncomfortable with full on messages like these. Call me old fashioned, but I like consent in the bedroom. Without a drink, I can’t even pretend to be okay with this conversation. It really is always the quiet ones. *Deletes number and pours myself a large glass of wine*

The Guy with a Girlfriend

You meet a guy. Perhaps in a bar or on the train or in Urban Outfitters. This is never a tinder guy. He makes the first moves. He asks for your number. He texts, he calls. You’re getting on great. It’s fun and easy and your friends like him and you arre starting to wonder if your kids will have his blue eyes. Feeling happy and positive. No telling how far in it will come, usually just as you feel comfortable and get excited about this guy, you find out he has a girlfriend. He may have had the balls to tell you himself but more likely you find out through the art of Facebook /Instagram stalking. No matter what his reasons {Excuses} are for cheating, no matter how attracted you are to each other, how much of a spark there is, how hopelessly unhappy he is in his current relationship, leave. Leave for sisterhood and leave for yourself. You don’t deserve a guy who treats relationships like that.

The Entrepreneur

Oh my goodness, a man my age that actually has passion and bit of drive about him. FINALLY. I am so bored of these basic man bitches who claim house music as a passion and it is so refreshing to meet a man who has a genuine passion. Something that sparks his interest, his brown eyes sparkle when he talks about it. There is a fire in there that gets him up in the morning and ensures he is going to be the best he can possibly be. His dreams and ambitions make him very desirable and you know he is going to be successful and most importantly, happy. Dates don’t tend to be spontaneous with the entrepreneur as his calendar is full, he’s not yet at the stage where he can pay people to do his website and respond to enquiries. When you are on a date and pop to the ladies, there is a 98% chance he is back on his phone checking emails and responding to enquiries. The Entrepreneur is really something great but too early on in his business then you will not be a priority- gotta catch them at the right time.

The Academic

This one depends on exactly what stage they are of their academic career so I will generalise as much as possible. This guy has an over inflated sense of self-worth and unless you are very interested in his specialist subject then it probably won’t work. This is why academics tend to marry fellow academics in their subject. He will have confrences all over the world, brings marking home and you know at least one student will have a crush on him and you can’t ask for a Kylie Jenner lipkit and Anastasia Contour kit without him asking you to reason it and refrence reviews.

The Nice-got his shit together-No emotional Baggage One

This guy is charming, good looking but not so much in a way that you feel he is out of your league. He makes such an effort for the date, dressed impeccable and has everything booked. He makes you feel relaxed over dinner. He chooses a good wine. He compliments you. He listens and seems to be genuinely listening to what you are saying while smiling and reacting correctly. He like you. You can tell he really likes you. He has everything going for him. He has his shit together and is a nice,  normal, good guy. The kind of guy that would treat you like a princess and is basically putting his world and heart on a platter for you. Aww…. No thanks. I am bored.

The London Boy

I love a London accent on a boy. I also find English boys to be a lot more chilled out, flirty and take themselves less seriously than Scottish Boys (Sorry Guys.) Plus, English boys are always [usually] tall. Providing it is not a Birmingham or Yorkshire accent, I love that accent. The London boy has great stories to tell. There is a sense of adventure and optimism about a London Boy. A London boy would make a best friend but as for dating? You are never sure if the date is actually on until the same day as you don’t speak every day. The date is going swimmingly and then suddenly is finished. Everything is rushed and nothing is ever planned too far in advance. I love to be kept on my toes but London way of dating is a whole different ball game to me and I am not sure if I can quite keep up.

 

I wonder if there is any more types out there or have I literally dated every type of guy there is? …

Wait, The Prince. I am still to date a Prince.

 

 

I pure fancy you: The Science

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a man likes the hour glass figure. Why do men love it?

jadeddating

Image

 

 

“She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would  most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was a union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved, and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance”– Jane Austen

 

This is what I read and know of falling in love. But what about initial moment you meet them? Sparks fly. You can feel your eye lashes batting away, you’re running your fingers through your hair and your shoulders are back and breasts out. How did that happen? You stroke his arm while tilting your head and your voice goes almost to the pitch level…

View original post 1,120 more words

The Cat Lady

catlady1920s

 

Cats: They don’t talk-the-talk, they walk-the-walk.

 

I’m single and own a cat. I adore her. She is 1 ½ years, called Dusty and is utterly gorgeous(see below). My Instagram is 75% cat pictures. I happily sat through the ‘100 greatest cat photos’ while sipping coffee from my Marie (The cat from Aristocrats) mug. I admit that I am a crazy cat lady. Is this because I am single? Absolutely not. I have always been and always will be cat daft. Cats are brilliant.

photo (8)

There is a certain stigma attached to women, especially if they are single that love cats. Hearing the term “cat lady” one often pictures a frazzled old spinster that never found love or had children and therefore obsesses about her cats (plural as they are always expected to have around 4 or 5) I can’t help but think of the cat lady from The Simpsons:

 

or like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP4NMoJcFd4

Okay, this is hilarious and no doubt there are women (and men) out there like that but that is certainly not me. In fact, most of the women I know, around my age that love their kitty and share adorable cat memes on Facebook are beautiful, intelligent, and funny and are in happy committed relationships. I think it’s time to change the stigma of “crazy cat lady”. I think myself and these ladies are actually more cat-like: gorgeous, playful, intimate, smart, independent and graceful. I recently found a cat oracle.

“The cat reminds you of independence and to set healthy boundaries. Love with freedom-do not look to own what you desire, for too much attachment can lead to loss. The cat lends you her power to live freely and to remember that the adventure is just the beginning. Don’t forget that the cat has nine lives and always lands on its feet. It manages to get up unscathed from a fall, no matter what happens.  On this leg of your journey, you will emerge safe and sound. Live freely, love without unhealthy attachment and remember that the cat is your companion, you may fully immense yourself in life, for there will be many more lives to come.”

How beautiful and inspiring is this? I like to think of myself as being cat-like in life and especially in dating. Now, I don’t mean to offend anyone here but I would like to bring dog lovers into this for argument sake. Usually, people are either a cat or dog person. You can like them both of course but a person is usually one or the other. I remember a friend of mine once claimed dog people as “needy”. In many ways this is pretty true. Another friend of mine (A major dog lover) recently said she was like her dog: loud, loves everyone and anyone and always needing attention and then she said I was like my cat. She actually said “You are like Dusty. You just walk in to a room, say nothing and everyone loves you.” I wish this was accurately the case at all times. However, I see what she is getting at. Now I am brought to mind of the clip from ‘Meet the parents’ when the dad compares cats and dogs to people:

“Cats make you work for their affection, they don’t sell out the way dogs do.” Yes, yes, yes. Let’s compare cat types and dog types in dating. Dating is tough, there is no right or wrong and we all make the mistakes is fine. However, you know the old saying “Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen”? Well, there is some truth in it. Please don’t for a second you have to be rude or literally say mean things, but to me the “treat ‘em mean” is not to be too available, too keen, too needy…..too dog like? Be more cat, make them work for your affection, do your own thing and show your appreciation when you are with them. Just the simple things in dating, the early stages try to be cat-like. Please see my table below. The Dog-like dater is grateful for any attention from someone and the cat-like dater knows her worth.

 

                     The Dog-Like Dater                   The Cat-Like Dater
  • She will cancel a prior plan for a date to suit him
  • She will get a taxi at 3am across town to see him
  • She will call him a few times, send a whatsapp, like his status and leave a voicemail because she hasn’t heard from him today
  • Needs Approval
  • She will tell him about every moment of her day, including what she ate that day and the funny story from Carole in the office and how awful Julie’s new haircut is.
  • You piss her off? She cries and tries to explain why and is mad at you
  • She has repeatedly said her name with his surname and made sure the name goes nicely with the kids names she has had picked out since she was 14.
  • Tells him her feelings
  • She chases him
  • Always wants attention
  • After 2 dates she has deleted all the numbers in her phone of previous dates
  • A committed relationship is the obvious goal
  • What Dignity?
  • She lets him know when she is available and hopes he is too. If not another time, no rush.
  • He happily comes to where she is
  • She is happy to hear from him and responds but keeps the ’15 Minute rule’ * in mind for the first text back/call back
  • Take me or Leave is her way
  • She confidently says she had a fantastic day and asks how his was. He’s a little curious.
  • You piss her off? She walks away and  scratches your car
  • She can’t remember his last name.
  • Makes him guess
  • She is chased
  • Wants it when she wants it and on her terms
  • A number is never deleted.
  • Out exploring and happy to see what happens
  • Never loose dignity.

*The ’15 minute rule’ is what it says on the packet. Wait 15 minutes before messaging back to his first message. (Don’t want him thinking you were sitting looking at your phone waiting on his text)

bitch please

In life, work, friendships and especially be dating, ignore 02 and be more cat-like. A cat is able to climb and jump and explore freely but dogs are earthbound. Don’t fall in love with the first person to give you attention, see what is out there. The table may make the cat-like dater come across as quite mean. I do not mean it to at all. The cat is just independent and the claws a retractable-they only come out for defence and play.

Being a “Cat Lady” does not mean you’re unlovable and desperate. It is the exact opposite; you are smart and free and know your worth. I am proud to say I am a cat lady. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, guys can be cat ladies too!

I pure fancy you: The Science

Image

 

 

“She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would  most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was a union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved, and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance”– Jane Austen

 

This is what I read and know of falling in love. But what about initial moment you meet them? Sparks fly. You can feel your eye lashes batting away, you’re running your fingers through your hair and your shoulders are back and breasts out. How did that happen? You stroke his arm while tilting your head and your voice goes almost to the pitch level that only dogs can hear. And you think, “Why did I just do that? Goodness sake, play it cool, I look ridiculous and needy. It’s soooooo obvious.” Do you know what else just happened? Your pupils dilated and your lips pouted. Why? Well ladies, we have literally evolved to behave like that to attract males. The falling in love bit comes later on but that’s not what we are going to talk about today, today is about the initial attraction.

I have just completed a night class at the University called ‘The Science of Attraction’ taught by an evolutionary psychologist.  Dr Macleod actually started her career observing monkeys in Africa.  Yip, then on to humans. Throwing aside all the harlequin romances and Jane Austen novels, we aint nothin’ but mammals. Scientists have wondered why attractiveness is so important, the findings we discussed in the class provide some answers as to why we automatically flick our hair and giggle away.

So, according to the scientists: what is attractive? Well, to start, symmetry is found attractive in both guy and girl faces-just like mammals. For example, in the animal kingdom, male swallows with more symmetrical tales feathers get to mate earlier in the season and therefore get to mate with more chicks and therefore produce more babies.

What’s so attractive about symmetry anyway?

  • Asymetrics reflect dispition to the development plan, before or after birth. Basically-not being symmetrical can be caused by disease. Toxins or stress while in the womb.
  • Symmetry reflects lower parasite load. Please note; ugly people have parasites.
  • A high level of symmetry therefore signals health and good genes= the ability to withstand such disruption. Please note; hot people are healthy.  We really do “have a good side” of the face.

Image

Mind Blowing. This is science people.

Apparently men with symmetrical faces and bodies have the following qualities:

  • Higher IQ
  • Run faster
  • Dance better
  • Sing better
  • Smell sexier
  • Sound sexier
  • Healthier skin
  • Faster swimming sperm
  • And finally, their sexual partners have more orgasms.

Please tell me where to find the superhuman symmetrical men!

If you would like to read more about the scientific points of why symmetry is hit then go here: http://faceresearch.org/students/notes/symmetry.pdf

 

What else is attractive? Averageness. Why?

  • Less chance of deleterious recessive genes
  • Optimal design
  • Development stability

And here’s an interesting fact: statistically both men and women prefer a feminine face. Apparently, women go for men with feminine faces as they appear more loyal. But if a woman isn’t looking for commitment then she will go for a more masculine face: perhaps with a beard. I’m obviously not looking for commitment then. Men like more feminine faces as feminine face= high oestrogen= high fertility=gonna have lots of babies. High oestrogen women are healthier which demonstrates high biological quality.

Even though having babies may not be the fore front of our mind, we have evolved to be attracted to a partner that will give us babies. Our brain tells us to go for the best option for our future generations.

Why we like rough, bearded, tattoo, whiskey drinking men:

  • Masculinity linked with testosterone
  • Testosterone acts as an immunosuppressant so if a guy can withstand high levels he is demonstrating high biological quality (good genes)
  • Links between high testosterone to facial attractiveness to good immune function

Image

Why we like blonde, clean shaven, pretty boys:

  • Masculine faces judged as more cold and dishonest
  • Lots of data linking high testosterone levels to marital discord (divorce)
  • Men who have high levels of testosterone which continue to peak after marriage are more likely to be unfaithful

A man’s testosterone level can actually go down after he gets married! This probably reassures some of them ladies out there, and terrifies guys…and some women (like me. I love testosterone. I’d be gutted if my man lost his)

 

 

  • It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a horny man likes the hour glass figure. Why do men love it? The low waist to hip ratio and large breasts are linked to high oestrogen levels and high fertility.  Fat stored in the bum and thighs contains omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids which are crucial for the brain development of the foetuses… So a big booty gives you a smart baba! However, tummy fat is no good. The fat round the tummy is saturated fat which is linked with diabetes, obesity and increased risk of heart disease. So ladies, squats and ab crunches really are the way to go.

Image

 

  • It’s a truth universally acknowledge that women like a tall man. (As in tall enough for her to wear her heels  but he is still taller) Why do we like tall men?  We evolved to like them as it is likely that tall guys would have had a one up in competition against a shorter opponent and therefore going to be the one to bring home the bacon. A tall, strong, strapping partner will protect the female and her offspring. And even in our modern world, tall guys have an advantage as they tend to do better in their careers, have a higher status and more money.

 

(Personally, I am a big fan of tall men, especially since I am more likely to be in heels than flats. And if I’m in heels and taller than him, I instantly don’t fancy him. I’m 5 ft 6 and a bit and usually in 3-4 inch heels. So I won’t accept anyone below 6ft. Keep your head, heels and standards high…)

 

It’s fair to say that attractiveness is important to both sexes. In life, we don’t really know how attractive we are so we tend to go for the 10/10 and work our way down. (A  little sad…) So how do we work out our own value and what level of attractiveness we should go for? Reactions from others? How many likes your Instagram selfie gets? Growing up we learn our value and what we can go for. We’ve all heard the term ‘couples look like each other’. Well yeah, it’s a science thing. But it’s not just on level of attractiveness, it’s also age, education, personality traits and social attitude. Equalization. We have psychological mechanisms for equalization. Those less attractive tend to go for charisma and personality. And how many times have you not fancied someone at first and once you get to know them and fall for the charm do you find them utterly irresistible?! 

 

That initial attraction, the reason a guy approaches you in a bar or looks back as you leave Topshop through the Topman door is all down to evolution. Charles Darwin, natural selection and the need for superior genes to survive and reproduce.  No Romance here readers…maybe the next time.