The guys you meet on Tinder to make you jaded

Due to being even more ‘Jaded’ with dating, I have been on a bit of dating hiatus. No fuckboys, no cryptic text and no dating apps-including Tinder. Can you even imagine? In this day, if a single girl-no matter how long she is single is not on Tinder she must not want it enough. If you’re single and not on Tinder then HOW will you ever meet a guy? Well to be fair, right now, I don’t want to meet a guy.  I think my recent post “No fuckboys please” shows I have dated enough. It’s exhausting. However, when you have a dating blog and people ask when your next post is up you get into the dilemma. I looked at Disney for inspiration but I just related far too much to Ursula and Mother Gothel… And of course, with no dating and behaving myself I was a little bored and as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat.

So, Friday night. Booze free and exhausted I pull up 5 recent photos from my Facebook and create a new Tinder Profile. Here goes, time to get swiping. The slight excitement I have is gone within approximately 7 minutes. It’s the same fuckboys. Here are the profiles every single girl will come across when swiping:

The Topless Guy – Buff

Niiiiice. I will look to be the creep that I am but in dating I believe keeping the hotness as an extra treat. And also, you clearly love yourself. I Swipe- LEFT.

Topless guy- Dad Bod-Overweight

I’m all about empowerment and you are trying to be funny… I get it and I feel shallow but…I Swipe-LEFT.

Ripped to hell or muffin top-NO TOPLESS PROFILE PICS

The Tough Mudder

Keeps fit and has a sense of adventure perhaps. I think we will get on. Guys love a girl who wants to plank challenge… right? I Swipe-RIGHT.

The ‘in bed’ Selfie

This is a saved snapchat from the start of a sexting sesh. I don’t like those who recycle. It is lazy…I Swipe- LEFT.

The Doped up Tiger

Clearly not an animal lover and in to animal rights like me. I’m sure you went to Thailand to find yourself *rolls eyes* I Swipe- LEFT.

The Emoji over the ex-girlfriends face

Cut out or pick another picture FFS. I Swipe- LEFT.

The large group of guys

This guy has no pictures by himself and I have no time or patience to figure out which one you are. Lesson Learned: It is never the hot one. I Swipe-LEFT.

The family/best friend Wedding

A 3 piece suit to a woman is what underwear is to a man. I Swipe- RIGHT.

The one with one or even two super hot girls/entertainment ladies

You like super hot girls. This is your favourite photo ever cause the two burlesque dressed shot girls agreed to have a picture with you… I get that but…I Swipe-LEFT.

The S&M artwork {Including the time s’50 shades of Grey’ cover has been a profile pic}

I Swipe: LEFT.

The abs only

I swipe: LEFT.

The meme

IYes, this meme is funny but you didn’t create it and I want to date an actual man not a meme… I Swipe-LEFT.

The Relaxed Smiling Selfie

There we go, you are normal. I Swipe-RIGHT.

The Model

I don’t want to be catfished. Although… then I could be on the TV show and meet that gorgeous silver fox… Nah not worth the next 10 months of my life and bank transfer I need to qualify for that show. I Swipe-LEFT.

The Action Shot

Wither it be playing football, Hill walking, dancing with the boys at the club or in deep conversation with a friend, this shot gives a little of your personality away and I like that. I Swipe-RIGHT

The Car or Motorbike Picture

Are you a transformer? I Swipe-LEFT.

The Snapchat Guy

I could write a full post of guys and damn snapchat but with regards to Tinder, if a guy has snapchat only in his bio then he just wants some dirty fun from the comfort of his own couch. I Swipe-LEFT.  Please note, this creep isn’t always noticeable. If after you match with any of the guys above and get a message “Hi babe, I don’t use Tinder. Add me one snap BigGuy666” UNMATCH.

I have swiped right a few times so still a little optimistic and I don’t hate everyone yet so that’s a good thing… let’s celebrate with a glass of wine .