I guess we all know the “types” of guys out there: The Player, The Mummy’s Boy, The Romantic, The Geek, The Macho guy…. These stereotypes tend to come from our favourite American Teen Movies which gave us insight into what the dating world would be like from the age of 16… I would also like to point out that these guys have come from 90s and early 00s movies. As I cannot reiterate enough, surly times have changed?
I am not one for one minute suggesting I have dated every type of guy but my “Little Black Book” (2014 version= Whatsapp contacts) are from extremely different guys-all bad and good in their own unique and exasperating ways. Let me break it down in no particular order.
The Scientist Guy
Wow he is so smart. Sometimes when he talks I stop listening as I cannot believe someone so attractive knows this sort of thing…when I do listen, I learn. We sit under the stars on a summer night with wine as he tells me little facts about the stars and the universe we live in. He’s so passionate about what he does for a living too. Saving lives and aiming for that noble peace prize. In case you hadn’t realised before I am NOT a scientist. I took English and Art and Philosophy. I LOVE astrology and poetry…but opposites attract?! Our children will be good at EVERYTHING. This swooning doesn’t last long. “You don’t want to hear today’s horoscope?” “In my past life I think I must have been a….oh okay, nevermind” “I was googling palm reading and I noticed that ….nevermind” The dreamer and the scientist soon run out.
The Rich Boy
Not “rich” from his own hard work, dedications and intelligence. The rule was we had to be together for at least 6 months before I was taken back to “the estate” to meet the parents. Is this the 1800s? I didn’t last long enough for the privilege.
The Married Guy
Now, this one is hard. In the early stages he cooks amazing dinners and thoroughly cleans up afterwards (sit back and enjoy the wine ladies). He really plans the date, every little detail from pre ordering the steaks, researching what wine goes best, right down to the taxi journey. This sounds fabulous I know and right now you must be thinking “what the hell is your problem?” Well the perfectionist guy notices everything. Everything about you. It starts as compliments but then it gets personal, bordering on nasty. I had “Why is your hair so blonde?” …because it is. And “Is there any need for your lipstick to be so bright?”…Yes. My nail extensions were chavy and my awesome Topshop costume jewellery is tacky. Oh I see, the guy that only wears grey wants a plain girl. The final straw was “Your curves are fine but I prefer skinny.” Just take a minute for that to sink in. Ladies, no matter what size you are, if the guy you’re dating doesn’t love your figure then he doesn’t deserve to see it without clothes. The only things a guy should say about your lipstick is how much it turns him on. Be feminine. Be you. End of story. And for my guy readers, never EVER say anything like this or comparable. This guy is now named “The Control Freak”.
The Personal Trainer
Works ridiculous hours, mainly around women. Conversation consists of protein, weights and…. I‘m not sure what else as I’ve now switched off. They look GOOD naked but are usually too exhausted, too sore or too self involved. They usually chat in text form too and get their there’s and yours wrong. Keep them for what they are good for.
The Glasgow Boy (This one varies for each city, but every city/town has one)
He was very much Glasgow Protestant and I am from Irish Catholic. I couldn’t care less and I tried to get some banter out of it (that whole opposites thing again) He cared far too much. I could shrug it off but when he insulted my favourite emerald green lace dress just because it was green then he had to go.
The gay-straight man
Personally, this is my favourite. Always dressed well and understands the importance of H&M’s Versace launch. Usually has tattoos, meaningful ones or pin up inspired. Has a mixture of close friends including girls and gay guys. Will happily go to a restaurant and order a delicate seafood dish and doesn’t even hesitate when ordering a cocktail in a china teapot because it’s what you want to drink. Yes, he knows who Carrie and Mr Big are. Calls you cute or beautiful instead of hot or well fit. But there’s something about these guys that just isn’t right.
The 70s Rocker
He’s just soooo chilled out (weed enhanced) and just too cool, in his vintage leather jacket, skinny jeans and cons. Get the Rolling Stones records on and just chill. Everything will be fine. Unfortunatly this guy type doesn’t usually have much drive or ambition and the ladies that do will get bored. Don’t take his good nature for granted though.
The Mummy’s Boy
Still lives at home and doesn’t wash his own clothes or know how to cook. Enough said.
The Recently Divorced Guy
I’ve heard several different opinions on this one. Some women believe that if they have made that commitment before they are likely to do it again…that they know your legs aren’t always silky smooth and that the underwear doesn’t match every single day. They know how to share the household chores and someone else must have nagged him enough before that he now puts the toilet seat down. Well, sorry ladies but the divorced guy wants to rebel against what he has just lived with and be A MAN. This is his time. It’s all about him. It’s his life to be who he finally wants to be. This guy is emotionally unpredictable and you do not deserve that. I wouldn’t rule it out but I’d only go there once it is all finalized.
The Artsy Guy
We love him. But he is still trying to find himself and become the man we deserve. Keep in touch with this one, could be one for the future.
These are just some of the types of guys I have dated. And please note that there is of course more to all of them. I’d also like to point that I have never dated a guy older than 32 so I can put a lot of these awful traits to immaturity (fingers crossed). I think it’s wrong to have a “type”. It’s not fair to judge a guy too quickly; you never know what other depth the Mummy’s boy has or who the artsy guy will become. Just don’t change who you are.
If you have a guy stereotype you would like to share then please let us know, us ladies need to know what’s out there. And please let me know who you end up dating int he poll below…